I’ll admit. I stepped into this business, thinking I would just take off. I knew I could handle the work, the operations of the business, but man. I wasn’t prepared for the nothingness of it all. To be fair, as a consumer, I absolutely understand all of the thought processes that come with new products and especially the trust factor. I’m brand new out here in these dyeing streets. Hell, I only returned to the yarn arts in 2011. In some industries, I’d still be considered a beginner crafter.
Back then, I was working up to becoming a mom for a second time. I also realize now that I was knee deep in an emotionally abusive relationship that had long before separated me from my truest self. The creative soul I’d always been. I was lost in a world of what everybody else wanted or expected of my life. I had buried my dreams of entrepreneurship after the birth of my first child, because I wouldn’t have had any idea where to begin or how to keep going…no, I take that back. I was still more myself when I had her. But things got pretty bad after the birth of number 2, like someone turned the lights off.
After I had my first son, and turned 30, I started wanting more for my life. Even in the dark, I knew that. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but I knew there was more. Naturally, I looked for growth potential in my current profession, and while I absolutely love what I do, it doesn’t speak to my soul. So yes, I performed well and delivered results, but I got nowhere.
And so I kind of wandered in the dark. Got into fitness, for myself, spent time with my kids, and began collecting yarn. I mean, I started getting more involved on Ravelry and even learned how to knit. I started trying different patterns and techniques, and even sold a few things. But I would go through these highs and lows, which I now realize were still a result of my personal relationships and headspace. I was probably what most people would consider depressed, but I didn’t really talk about it. I’d have these like anxiety attacks, deep, dark thoughts about life and if I even felt like existing. Some days. I thank God for my babies, because they’ve kept me here and mostly steady.
So, how did I get here and where am I going? Is dyeing yarn my heart’s passion? Not entirely. My heart is in connecting with and helping people. I also love to learn and explore/investigate. Digging deep. The absolute truth is I started The Crochet Cove, in name, as a safe space for myself to enjoy and share my hobby with the people in my circle. When I decided to dye yarn, instead of creating a new brand and idea, I used something I hard already established in love. I still very much love sharing my gifts with people, and much like knitting and crocheting, dyeing yarn takes me to this peaceful place of solitude. I feel at one with the universe in my creative spaces, and that includes writing and sharing these blogs with you.
My hope is that my business grows to a point where I can provide for my family, and pursue a path of helping a healing minority communities around the world. The vision hasn’t been made abundantly clear yet, but I’ll be ready when it gets here.
I don’t know what prompted me to type this, except it’s Sunday, and I’m often reflective on this day. I feel like I have finally moved myself to a place where life is right. I realize that I am often the source of my own mishaps and blunders, due to my inability to slow down and smell the roses. And so, I’m slowing down my brain and reminding myself to stay present. I do a little each day, reminding myself why I chose this path in the first place. It wasn’t just for a buck. It was because I finally found a space that felt like home.
I hope that I am here and here for the long haul because I truly believe in my vision and dream. That’s all for now. Be kind to yourself.